tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21109548502505855782024-03-14T01:13:44.334-07:00ariane & kidsArianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.comBlogger150125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-59661668564931163292011-11-02T22:20:00.000-07:002011-11-02T22:33:37.649-07:00Family Pictures 2011<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gJGd_Nb0zeA/TrIm38R7lDI/AAAAAAAAA4c/WXoF-iNKrPU/s1600/2011-8901-1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gJGd_Nb0zeA/TrIm38R7lDI/AAAAAAAAA4c/WXoF-iNKrPU/s320/2011-8901-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670637623328871474" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I figured it was finally time to get family pictures done of me and my kiddles. We went to FotoFly in Draper based on the recommendation of my friend, Teri Fronk. We had such a great experience. It was fun, the photographer was amazing with my kids, and it didn't take forever. I love almost all the photos. These are definitely keepers because they mark this new chapter in our lives. This new, HAPPY chapter!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-23aFlS0rtDc/TrImoyJnOPI/AAAAAAAAA4Q/BuLf5wEC5oo/s1600/2011-8901-46.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-23aFlS0rtDc/TrImoyJnOPI/AAAAAAAAA4Q/BuLf5wEC5oo/s320/2011-8901-46.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670637362911590642" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UNMXWEr3kDg/TrImbUcutrI/AAAAAAAAA4E/YiNplQX6gG0/s1600/2011-8901-39.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UNMXWEr3kDg/TrImbUcutrI/AAAAAAAAA4E/YiNplQX6gG0/s320/2011-8901-39.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670637131600410290" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vQ_5es4rqdI/TrImQaaHR1I/AAAAAAAAA34/IwU8ar6G0dE/s1600/2011-8901-54.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vQ_5es4rqdI/TrImQaaHR1I/AAAAAAAAA34/IwU8ar6G0dE/s320/2011-8901-54.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670636944221488978" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Mj-h9rIrEoo/TrIl7S-Gs0I/AAAAAAAAA3s/31SznHCcuzI/s1600/2011-8901-36.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Mj-h9rIrEoo/TrIl7S-Gs0I/AAAAAAAAA3s/31SznHCcuzI/s320/2011-8901-36.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670636581447709506" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M5da0eWRLRg/TrIlsHFcdCI/AAAAAAAAA3g/E3UHToaQRq8/s1600/2011-8901-28.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M5da0eWRLRg/TrIlsHFcdCI/AAAAAAAAA3g/E3UHToaQRq8/s320/2011-8901-28.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670636320559232034" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M9QXtZS0a4Y/TrIlZ4p3waI/AAAAAAAAA3U/Gktpd-9Frlo/s1600/2011-8901-18.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M9QXtZS0a4Y/TrIlZ4p3waI/AAAAAAAAA3U/Gktpd-9Frlo/s320/2011-8901-18.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5670636007447839138" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VTTepWDobYU/TrIk-3cBSuI/AAAAAAAAA3I/AYjstsobTjM/s1600/2011-8901-1.jpg"><br /></a>Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-87862544452813793542011-10-11T21:41:00.000-07:002011-10-11T22:00:32.043-07:00Plan B<span style="font-weight: bold;">Life is All About How You Handle Plan B</span><br /><br />Plan A is always my first choice.<br />You know, the one where everything<br />Works out to be happily ever-after.<br />But more often than not,<br />I find myself dealing with<br />The upside-down, inside-out version,<br />Where nothing goes as it should,<br />It's at this point that the real test<br />Of my character comes in....<br />Do I sink, or do I swim?<br />Do I wallow in self-pity and play the victim<br />Or simply shift gears<br />And make the best of the situation?<br />The choice is all mine....<br />Life is all about about you handle Plan B.<br />-------Suzy Toronto<br /><br />In one of my classes I learned about something called Cognitive Restructuring as a way to manage stress. Being a single mom has it's difficulties, one of which is not having a partner to use as a sounding board when I'm happy, sad, confused, worried, angry, etc. So when I get stressed I generally just internalize whatever is going on rather than discussing it with someone. This cognitive restructuring technique has been a blessing. It's kind of finding the silver lining in a difficult situation. But beyond that, it's modifying how I think about things.<br /><br />Being a behavioral science major, the subjects in many of my classes are uncomfortable subjects, some of which hit really close to home. Some of the subjects have opened old wounds. I've been able to use this technique to say; "Ok, this happened to me and it still hurts to think about it. But instead hiding from it or pushing it aside, I can see what I can learn from it and how I can help others with what I've learned." It takes me from having a pity party to being empowered.<br /><br />To be honest, I am not sad for myself that I'm divorced. I am sad for my kids that I made this decision because it affects them adversely. I worry for them every day. I didn't see our circumstances as a long term goal when Doug and I got married or when we were sealed to each other, and Ethan, in the temple. I thought we'd be a forever family. The thought of that loss makes me sad. But, one day Mckenzie brought to my attention that if her dad were still living with us, we wouldn't have Seth. People will probably judge that as screwed up logic, but I choose to look at it as my daughter finding the silver lining in not having her dad around full time. She loves her baby brother and so do I. Divorce is an impossible situation, it's never good for a family to be torn apart but it's also not good for a family to be together in dysfunction. The best I can do is move forward and continue raising my children in a warm, loving and safe environment.<br /><br />Raising my six children my way is my Plan B. I'm ok with swimming, even if it's treading water for awhile. I've done my fair share of sinking.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-49981184602310110942011-09-25T01:21:00.000-07:002011-09-25T01:49:09.687-07:00New LifeWe are now settled into our new home in Spanish Fork. The children are loving their new schools and their new teachers. So far, I am very impressed with everything they are doing. Ethan is taking an art class, which has prompted him to want to be an architect. A fitting aspiration since he loves to draw and create. Garrett and Mckenzie are in the same class (there are only two 5th grade teachers.) Chase chose to be in his own class. There is another set of triplets in the same grade! That's never happened before. They are identical girls and love Mckenzie. The 5th grade classes get to make movies. The kids are planning a movie called Nightmare on Sesame Street for Halloween. I love hearing all the stories about it. Carter is enjoying 3rd grade. He loves being able to do his extra classes, including percussion and computers. All the kids are enjoying new opportunities and learning a lot.<br /><br />I was so worried about Ethan. He had wanted to attend junior high in Orem for a year but changed his mind at the last minute. We quickly registered him here and he started without a problem. He has made new friends and met "old" friends that he grew up with in Orem. It's been such a good experience for him to start over without prejudice from people who should have known better than to judge him.<br /><br />We like our ward. It's sort of a transient ward, so there are always new people moving in and out. It's hard for our poor bishop to keep up. There are FIVE nursery classes and the junior sharing time is enormous. But the senior sharing time and Young Men's classes are quite a bit smaller and a little more manageable. The kids have a lot of their friends from school in their church classes and from our complex.<br /><br />I've been enjoying my solitude. I really love Spanish Fork. It's a cute little town that's not too far from Provo and Orem. I go into Orem for school and visit Provo when I go to see my brother and sister-in-law. Beyond that, I stay here and enjoy my solitude. I spend my days with Seth and when he is with Eric, I do homework. It's a nice, simple way to live. It's helped heal my heart.<br /><br />I'm trying to find a job. Scary.... I was more excited about my search when I thought I'd be sharing babysitting duties with my sister. But she decided to move to Rexburg after being away from her husband all summer. He is finishing his degree at BYU-Idaho and he'd been commuting back and forth from Rexburg to Pleasant Grove on the weekends. It's a good move for her, but since calling off my wedding, I've relied heavily on my sister and sister-in-law so it's been super hard to have her gone. So, I've lost motivation in finding a job. Silly, I know. But I really don't want Seth in day care. It was a lot easier to think about working when I knew Seth would be with someone who will love him almost as much as I do.<br /><br />Speaking of Seth, he is growing so fast. He is 8 months old and finally figuring out the whole crawling thing. He has been scooting around for quite awhile and pulling himself up on furniture but no one will really let him be down on the ground long enough to try crawling. There are 5 people (ok... six people including ME) who can't put the baby down. He's too cuddly.<br /><br />It's strange how I feel such a sense of freedom here. Like a load has been lifted from my shoulders. It's as if I was released from my anger. I've been able to extract myself from people I felt were not good for me or my children and truly be able to make a fresh start. No more neighbors excluding my children for whatever reason, no more "friends" saying one thing to my face and another behind my back, no more trying so hard to be ok when I wasn't. I've purged those people from my life who I don't need. Now I'm ok. I may have only moved 20 minutes away, but it's like a whole new world. Of course there are friends that I miss. They know who they are!<br /><br />The best part about living here is seeing how well my children are treated. They were welcomed and immediately loved. There are tons of kids in this complex! Our town house opens into a sort of courtyard and the kids play kickball with their friends, trade Pokemon cards, study in the shade, and sometimes just run around like crazy people. Parents hang out and watch the kids play. It's just pleasant. It's the best way to describe it.<br /><br />So, that's our update. Fresh start. New life. Happy family!Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-14977295120599266682011-05-15T17:42:00.000-07:002011-05-15T17:59:12.910-07:00Weaknesses and a 12 Year OldEthan is turning 12 tomorrow. I've been able to spend a lot of time with him this weekend. It's his normal weekend with his dad, but he decided he wanted his birthday party on Friday so he stayed home with me. Friday night was spend with too many boys in my house. (I apologize to my neighbors!!) And Saturday was spent recovering. Ethan and I literally spent most of the day sleeping. Saturday night we went out to dinner with Eric and Aiyana and Seth and then I treated everyone to a movie. Today we've just vegged. Ethan and I both had an appointment with our bishop, which was good for both of us. He's going to be ordained in June. Wow. Time just flies.<br /><br />The best part is we've been able to talk. And for a 12 year old, Ethan has asked some very interesting questions. For one, he's asked why we have weaknesses. I've thought a lot about that. I told him that we have to have weaknesses so we can appreciate our strengths. I told him that our life is a test, like a math test, and we have to work really hard on the problems we're not so good at. He commented that sometimes when we work on our weaknesses, we just make them worse. I told him I know exactly what he's talking about. But we just have to keep working. We can't keep doing what we've been doing, we have to change our actions if we're to get different consequences.<br /><br />I always think of a story that President Hinckley told. After his wife died, he said that there were times that his sadness got to be so much that he'd take off his shoes and lay down. But eventually he'd get up and put his shoes back on and go back to work. What good does it do to just lie down? I think that applies to our weaknesses. I try to laugh at mine but sometimes I don't always try to fix them. And sometimes instead of working up the courage to just take the bull by the horns, I hide. I let my depression or fear dictate what I do.<br /><br />Recently, I've let a situation spiral out of control. I've let a situation get worse instead of working hard to make it better. I've taken the wimp's way out and communicated with someone through email instead of face to face. Let me tell you right now, email is not the way to communicate with someone when you're trying to convey who you are. It's a lazy way to do anything. But, I convinced myself I had too much going on, I had too much pain, disappointment and worry that I just couldn't deal with this situation face to face. And now, it's all I can think about because I screwed it up. I didn't mean to, but I did.<br /><br />So, I've got to put my shoes back on and get back to work. Not just with this particular situation but with so many others in my life.<br /><br />Let me say this about my son. Ethan is an amazing kid. I wish people could see what we see. He's very shy and doesn't like to open up to people. His teacher says that he's really quiet at school. He's struggled with his temper. I'm not condoning it and we've taken appropriate steps to help him learn to control his anger and channel it in appropriate ways. Ethan is a good brother, a good son, a good friend, a good student, and just a good kid. I wish people would let him change and shake his mistakes. Those who truly love him have done that.<br /><br />Happy Birthday to my baby. And thanks to him for helping learn an important lesson today.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-81626703919003421582011-02-27T20:57:00.000-08:002011-02-27T21:23:10.048-08:00My Kids Rock!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vwkJg6MoDmA/TWsrpUYUWjI/AAAAAAAAA2k/3P9mWjCRRoE/s1600/Eric%2Band%2Bkids.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vwkJg6MoDmA/TWsrpUYUWjI/AAAAAAAAA2k/3P9mWjCRRoE/s320/Eric%2Band%2Bkids.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578600552273828402" border="0" /></a>We've had some ups and downs this past year, but for the most part, my kids are amazing!<br /><br />We haven't been to church in quite some time and lately the kids have been having "serious discussions" with me about returning to church. I've tried a couple times to get up on Sunday and get going but my pregnancy was difficult and I've been trying to recover from having a baby.<br /><br />Today was the day to stop with the excuses and go. My kids were incredible. Last night I had the kiddos get church clothes together and set them out, making sure everything was ironed and ready to go. They did it without complaining. This morning, I got up to make them breakfast and they got ready for church with good attitudes. Even Carter, who usually complains about everything. Maybe the maple sausage brightened his mood.<br /><br />I told the kids if they didn't feel comfortable going to Primary that they didn't have to. They could come home with Eric and I after Sacrament Meeting. Jason Oler, the triplet's primary teacher came up to us after Sacrament and told Mckenzie where their classroom was. She just gave me a kiss and walked out the door. Garrett and Chase followed.<br /><br />Ever since his unfortunate scouting incident that has left a bitter taste in both our mouths, Ethan has been less than excited to participate in anything church related. However, to my shock and awe, he got up and starting to walk towards the Primary room. I asked him if he was staying and he lifted his scriptures, which I didn't know he brought, and said "That's why I brought these, Mom." He hugged me and left.<br /><br />Carter is the only one who went home with me. He isn't big on leaving me when he doesn't have to.<br /><br />Also to my surprise, Eric agreed to come with us. He's been less than thrilled with how *some* members of my ward have treated me but he was really impressed with how much help was offered to us after Seth was born. He agreed to support me in taking my kids to church and came with us. It was nice to have my family there.<br /><br />To make things better, my bishop gave a wonderful talk about hope. It was something I enjoyed hearing. Looking down the row at my precious children, I saw a boy who will be receiving the priesthood this year and who will become a young man. I saw another precious boy who will be getting baptized. And my baby in my arms will be blessed next month. They are my hope.<br /><br />Today was a good day.<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />*Disclaimer* I stress the word SOME in regard to the people in my ward because I have wonderful, sweet, and tender friends whom I could not live without. But there are those who have forgotten who they are, as we all have from time to time, and it's made my struggles even more difficult to bear. </span>Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-56736008992511933162011-02-26T23:10:00.000-08:002011-02-26T23:27:11.443-08:00Pure JoyDespite my lack of sleep and being so sick these past few weeks, I have managed to enjoy my tiny bundle. He is one of the six most perfect things I've ever done!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8ch7dezgJZk/TWn5g-rTAzI/AAAAAAAAA18/noHx85vbCMs/s1600/Smiles.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 176px; height: 220px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8ch7dezgJZk/TWn5g-rTAzI/AAAAAAAAA18/noHx85vbCMs/s320/Smiles.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578263958450799410" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />Mckenzie and I were taking pictures of Seth<br />and managed to get one of his precious smiles!</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KX__D38KKFE/TWn55Y4P1mI/AAAAAAAAA2E/2ws_8NvA25E/s1600/Happy%2BBaby.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 133px; height: 166px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KX__D38KKFE/TWn55Y4P1mI/AAAAAAAAA2E/2ws_8NvA25E/s320/Happy%2BBaby.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578264377801299554" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I love that Seth is more and more alert.<br />I love the cooing and "talking."</span><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--SBZEm4kNbU/TWn6y2tjJEI/AAAAAAAAA2M/P_aS7s7RDbY/s1600/Family%2Band%2BBaby%2B005.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--SBZEm4kNbU/TWn6y2tjJEI/AAAAAAAAA2M/P_aS7s7RDbY/s320/Family%2Band%2BBaby%2B005.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578265365062034498" border="0" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Out to dinner with Mommy and Daddy to celebrate Uncle Shadd's Birthday</span><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4Z9hoxplOG4/TWn7i57jDkI/AAAAAAAAA2U/ubxy0AZ_kpQ/s1600/Kids%2B071.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4Z9hoxplOG4/TWn7i57jDkI/AAAAAAAAA2U/ubxy0AZ_kpQ/s320/Kids%2B071.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578266190559776322" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">Ethan adores his baby brother. The sweetest thing I've seen is when Ethan had a bad day, he came home, got Seth out of his crib and cuddled him. I love it! </span><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nSAmc27C0Ys/TWn8TwiHwOI/AAAAAAAAA2c/3NH2ffjudag/s1600/Kids%2B063.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nSAmc27C0Ys/TWn8TwiHwOI/AAAAAAAAA2c/3NH2ffjudag/s320/Kids%2B063.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578267029850800354" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">Mckenzie is the second mother in our house. She is super helpful with Seth. She helps me bathe him, feed him, and she loves to snuggle him.<br />Garrett just loves to kiss him.<br />The other boys will gives him loves too but aren't too keen on hold him yet. </span><br /></div></div></div></div>Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-34890217942712450572011-02-10T22:30:00.001-08:002011-02-10T22:36:53.097-08:00One of Those Moments...I am cranky today. Seth is sick and hasn't been sleeping well, which means I'm not sleeping well. I was completely exhausted today so I asked Doug to take Carter to a dentist appointment. Carter had a cavity that I assumed the dentist would just seal because it was on a baby tooth. Well, I'm still not clear on all the details, but my sweet Carter ended up having to get a root canal without his mommy there. To make matters worse, he has to have another one in two weeks.<br /><br />When Doug brought Carter home, I was passed out with the baby so Doug put Carter to sleep on the couch and went to work. I woke up to the sound of Carter sobbing. I asked if he was in pain, he said no. I asked if he was dizzy or sick from the medicine the dentist gave him, he said no. I asked what was wrong and he said he missed he daddy which broke my heart. I had him lay down with me while I fed Seth.<br /><br />Eric came over and brought Carter a milk shake which Carter didn't eat. (He really didn't feel well,) I had to get up to do something and when I came back into the room, Carter had fallen asleep holding onto his baby brother on my bed. Seeing my boys in such a sweet position made all the crappiness of the day melt away....Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-85849312905201059612011-02-09T21:23:00.000-08:002011-02-09T22:06:35.945-08:00Changes and Balancing ActsA lot has happened over the past several months. The most spectacular, in my opinion, is the birth of my baby boy, Seth William McCabe. He was born on January 20th, 2011 at around 10:00 pm. His eventful birth put an end to a difficult pregnancy. I say his birth was eventful because I went into the hospital to be induced, only to have the complication of a placental abruption, meaning Seth's placenta was separating from my uterus and filling with blood. Seth had swallowed quite a lot of blood and had inhaled it into his lungs. It was a frightening 10 minutes, as they prepped me for a C-section, rushed me into an OR, cut me open and delivered my baby. Wow!! Eric can hardly describe what was done to me without dry heaving. But, our gorgeous son is here and we could not be more elated.<br /><br />Seth's birth has changed a lot of things in my relationship with Eric. We're not married and not living together, so we're trying to raise our baby together but separately. Which has been a struggle.<br /><br />Eric proposed to me right before Seth was born, but we have yet to set a wedding date. However, we've been encouraging his children to be more comfortable in my home. We talk to all eight children about the two of us getting married and about when they will all move in with us. We've discussed who will have what bedroom and even went to pick out potential paint colors for those bedrooms. I obviously want all our kids to feel comfortable about this impending change. So far, we've met little resistance. We're so blessed that all our children get along. We have a few squabbles here and there, but nothing serious. They look forward to being together and get along when they are together.<br /><br />Eric and I now have a combined total of nine children. I have five, he has three and we have Seth. It's been a challenge to let all of the kids feel they have enough bonding time with Seth. I let Eric take the baby to his house a couple times so his kids could have uninterrupted bonding time, but it frustrated me because it felt as if he was dividing our families, which is completely counterproductive to what we've been trying to accomplish. I understood where he was coming from, my children live with Seth and are able to hold him and bond with him whenever they want. But I want the kids to all feel like they share a brother and so they need to learn to SHARE their brother. A compromise was telling my kids (mostly Mckenzie) that when Eric's kids are here, they can hold the baby without my kids hovering over them waiting for a turn. That way his kids can have bonding time and my kids learn to share.<br /><br />I think another big change is that I'm more in love with Eric now that we have a son together. I want him here all the time. On nights when I get up with Seth alone, I want Eric to live here. But then I have my fears of what it will be like to have nine kids under one roof. What it will be like when I'm married again and lose the independence I feel I have. What it will be like to share my space with someone else. And then the overwhelming fear of, what if I can't make this marriage work? What if this one fails too?<br /><br />A huge change is that my baby of seven years is no longer the baby. Carter is now a big brother and he's been having quite the adjustment. It's been heartbreaking to watch him at times, but at other times, I'm so proud of him for choices he makes. He is sweet to Seth. But there seems to be a war inside Carter. About a week before Seth was born, Carter did not want to go to school, so I decided to go with him to see what was going on. I just remember sitting at his teacher's desk and watching my baby boy struggle with his tender feelings and I felt so sad and so helpless. I was wishing I could look inside him and see what was making him so sad and so angry.<br /><br />I'm not sure we ever really pinpointed what was wrong during that week. Eric, Doug and I all agreed that Carter's acting out had something to do with the baby. At times, Carter was proud he was going to be a big brother and at other times he lamented that his time as my baby was coming to an end. I tried to reassure him over and over that he will always be my baby. He would nod and smile, but he would also look at me as if he didn't buy what I was selling. I try very hard to lavishly praise him when he does something well and tenderly correct him when he does something wrong. I'm just trying to rebuild whatever broke inside him.<br /><br />Trying to make nine kids happy is a huge challenge. Especially when their rules are different. My kids adhere to a pretty strict schedule. They get up at the same time, eat at the same time, take baths at the same time, do homework at the same time, go to bed at the same time, etc. They go to their dad's house the same day every week and spend every other weekend with him. There is occasionally variation to our schedule, but I try to keep it as consistent as possible. Carter and Garrett are not big on changes, especially if they are last minute changes. Eric's kids have rules as well, but they are different from ours. He and his ex-wife are pretty lax about when the kids see her, so it sometimes interrupts activities we've planned. I'm a planner. Stuff like that makes me crazy. (I like Eric's ex and I'm very supportive of his kids being with her, it's the lack of planning that makes me nuts.)<br /><br />Someone mentioned to me that we may not be having certain issues if we had gotten married sooner. But I think we'd still be having all these issues because we're trying to blend a family. I think we have it easier than most, I've heard some real horror stories... but I know we'd be having adjustment struggles whether we were married right now or not.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-15402666128443174142010-10-11T22:12:00.000-07:002010-10-11T22:26:06.639-07:00Scout Camp, Clear Creek, Sleepovers, OH MY!!Ethan went to Clear Creek today. For those of you living outside of Utah Valley, it's like Teton Science School in Jackson or something similar to that. He went over night and was so excited and I was excited for him. We packed last night, talked about the things he was looking forward too, I made him two sandwiches for his lunch, and we argued about putting a clean pillow case on his pillow. I was fine. He is happy and so am I. Then I watched him walk into the school with his overnight stuff and I completely broke down.<br /><br />We absolutely do not do sleep overs. I can't stand it. I'm more than happy to have hundreds of kiddos at my house, but I don't want my babies going somewhere else. They get to have sleep overs at their aunt and uncle's house, but that's about my limit. I've mentioned before that we do late overs, but again, that's my limit!!<br /><br />When the kids first started staying over night with their dad after we separated, I had such a hard time. I didn't know what to do with myself. When Doug and I were married and we'd go on any overnighters without kids, I'd drive him up the wall. I really don't know how to function with out being a mommy 24/7. I've learned to mellow out and try to look at the kids' overnighters with their daddy as a break for me. Those overnights don't bother me as much because they're with their dad and most of the time he's responsible... (he is ALL the time. ) I still hate the empty house when they're gone. The first few hours of quiet are nice but after that, the quiet gets too loud.<br /><br />No one, with the exception of Eric, saw me while Ethan was at scout camp over the summer. He only went for one night as well, but I was a super mess. I hated every minute he was gone! I worried that his scout leaders would be irresponsible or neglectful or the boys would be mean. Eric kept telling me that this was what growing up was about, having these adventures without parents. He reassured me that scout camp was part of his favorite memories so I calmed down a little. (not a lot) When Ethan got home, I saw how happy he was. I listened to all his stories. How could I have denied him of that. So I swore to be more mellow about these things.<br /><br />BIG FAT HA!!<br /><br />I'm trying to go to sleep and I miss him so much! His bed is empty, we had a lot of dinner left over tonight, and we didn't get to talk to each other. I HATE IT!<br /><br />He'll be back tomorrow. Doug and Eric keep making fun of me. If I hear "He'll be fine" one more time, I'm going to chase someone down with a wooden spoon.<br /><br />Ethan is only 11. He may be taller than me, but he's only 11. To what degree do I let go?Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-24556762052510360762010-10-03T21:50:00.000-07:002010-10-03T22:02:10.192-07:00AloneI usually do ok on my own. I'm not one to need people around me. I've never really needed a lot of validation from others. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to hear that I'm a good mother or that my kids are amazing or that I'm pretty, but for the most part I have a pretty good self esteem. I've always been partial to being left alone. My parents always threw big parties and I would retreat into my room and hang out by myself. I enjoy company but I also enjoy solitude. I've never measured myself by how many friends I had or how many parties I could throw.<br /><br />Lately I've been having a hard time with my solitude. I had some issues last night and today I just wanted to call someone for comfort and the only person I could think of was my mom but she is in England so I sat in my solitude and cried.<br /><br />I realize that I'm difficult to get along with. I keep others at arm's length because it's easier than letting them in. I have friends whom I adore and I have a lot of acquaintances but no one whom I'd call to just sit with me. That's really all I wanted today was someone to just sit here while I cried it out. While I cried out all the physical pain, the worry, the guilt, the frustration, the fear, the overwhelming fear and did I mention the guilt?<br /><br />I know I'm outspoken and people feel uncomfortable around me. I know I've created my own circumstances. It just doesn't feel very good right now.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-51184541852511689652010-09-28T20:56:00.000-07:002010-09-28T21:28:10.500-07:00Sleeping Arrangements and Fit ThrowingI'm having a struggle and I'm not sure how to handle it. Ever since Doug left for Boston, Carter has been having nightmares and has been coming to sleep in my bed every night. I tuck him into his own bed and he falls asleep in his own room, but he often wakes up crying, comes into my room and snuggles up next to me until he falls back to sleep. I've let him sleep with me because when I asked him why he was sleeping with me he said it was because he was afraid to wake up and find everyone had disappeared.<br /><br />The big problem with this is that I can't sleep at all when he sleeps with me. He travels in his sleep and snores and takes up the entire bed. I've done some reading on the subject and everything I've read says to send him back to his bed when he comes into my room. However, I feel so guilty doing this, especially when he's crying. So, when he's crying, I let him lay down with me and I rub his back and let him calm down and then I send him back to bed. But I still feel so bad, like I'm doing something harmful. He's 7 years old and I know he's too big to be sleeping with me, but he's my baby and he's obviously hurting and afraid.<br /><br />We're also dealing with some major fits. It doesn't seem to matter what I say to him, if it's contrary to what he wants to hear, he has a complete melt down. And this isn't just once a day, it happens several times a day. It happens over anything from telling him that he can't have a fruit snack for breakfast to telling him he has to wear socks with his shoes. He screams and runs to his room and slams his door. The fit only lasts a few seconds and then he'll do what he's told. I have tried everything from ignoring the fits to making threats. Nothing works. He's always had a stubborn personality, it's just gotten really difficult lately. He's such a precious little thing. I'm trying to be patient with what he's going through. I'm just not sure we're both going to make it to his 8th birthday....Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-57842981975063072272010-09-24T21:32:00.001-07:002010-09-24T21:43:05.209-07:00Corrections, Apologies, Exciting News, and Sweet AnecdotesSo, I made a comment in my last post about a policy my Relief Society presidency had regarding unwed mothers. I have since had a very sweet conversation with my RS president and I feel I should apologize for assuming that what I had heard was true. I should have gone to the source instead of passive-aggressively continuing a chain of gossip. I believe that the comment had been made by someone in my ward, and this person is a consistent source of gossip, but it is not a RS policy. My RS president is my neighbor and her children are friends with my children and I would hate for bad blood to exist between us. She and her husband have done a lot for me. Therefore, I publicly and sincerely apologize.<br /><br />Our super exciting news for the week is that my very shy Ethan ran for Student Council Vice-President and won!! We are so excited for him that we can hardly stand it. We celebrated by taking him, his friend Skyler (who won Student Council President) and Brayden (who also ran) to Pizza Pie Cafe in Provo. Then we went to Eric's to play night games. I am so proud of Ethan and his friends for being brave enough to run. They are an awesome group of boys.<br /><br />Tonight as we were taking Brayden home (again, I apologize to his parents for making him late....) my kids noticed that someone had toilet papered our neighbor's house. Ethan got really mad about it because he thinks my neighbor has enough to worry about and didn't need to clean up a mess in the morning. So my kids grabbed garbage bags and headed over there to clean up the toilet paper. Mckenzie then comes inside when they're done and declares that she will find out WHO did that to our neighbors and WHY they did it and she will report it as soon as she finds out. I know I brag a ton about my kids, but how sweet are they? I have to beg and threaten to get them to do anything at home, but they see a beloved neighbor who needs help and they're there!! Gotta love it!Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-72648075199774080322010-09-13T20:32:00.001-07:002010-09-13T20:40:39.374-07:00Baby Seth!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TI7s5bTKh8I/AAAAAAAAA1k/MMlcxO2-F2k/s1600/Baby+Seth.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TI7s5bTKh8I/AAAAAAAAA1k/MMlcxO2-F2k/s320/Baby+Seth.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516607064900274114" border="0" /></a>We found out last week that we're having a baby boy! I could not be more excited to meet my baby boy in January. It was so fun to see him on screen. He moves so much and the ultrasound tech had trouble getting good angles. You can also see that our Baby Seth has his daddy's Navajo lips. Even the ultrasound tech commented several times about how cute the baby's lips are.<br /><br />I think I'm past the really crappy part of this pregnancy and despite finding out things like my ward Relief Society doesn't support unwed mothers, I'm starting to really enjoy being pregnant with this baby. Like I said, he moves ALL the time. It's starting to be full on kicks and nudges, not just flutters. And Baby likes to swim from one side of my tummy to the other.<br /><br />I'm starting to show and Mckenzie LOVES to hug my tummy and feel the baby kick. Carter talks non-stop about Baby Seth. Everyone is excited to prepare for him.<br /><br />This experience has been full of a lot of crazy emotions. People who think they know more than me tend to think they need to remind me that I'm not married and this isn't the best situation to bring a baby into or to expose my children to. Well, DUH!! To those people, mind your own damn business. Let my kids and Eric and I enjoy this baby. We are fully aware that the circumstances are not the best, but what's done is done and we're having a precious baby boy.<br /><br />We've decided to name him Seth William McCabe. William is after my grandpa whom I miss like crazy.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-55729666210376901662010-08-27T18:53:00.000-07:002010-08-27T19:12:57.514-07:00Big SighIt's been a long summer. We've had our fun moments of swimming, hiking, BBQ's, picnics, family, movies, and other activities. But for the most part, having a sick mommy has totally dampened my kids' summer fun.<br /><br />We're all happy school has started. The kids totally love their teachers. Carter is having a hard time being away from mommy. With his daddy in Boston, he's been having a hard time sleeping on his own and being alone for any period of time. Not having his siblings/guardians around to help him feel safe, he's been little scared of school. Luckily, his teacher is Ms. Burke who was Mckenzie's 3rd grade teacher last year. That makes things a little easier since Ms. Burke already knows him and loves him.<br /><br />Ethan has started his final year at Windsor! He is in 6th grade and so far he loves his teacher. He even admitted it on Facebook! He has Mrs. Seedall whom I've heard is wonderful. I hope so. Ethan has been blessed with having great teachers.<br /><br />Garrett, Chase and Mckenzie are in 4th grade this year. They are so cute and so excited. Despite Garrett's awful year last year, we decided to keep him in the Spanish Immersion program. He really likes Spanish and wanted to continue. He has Mrs. Ramos (formally Ms. Clayson.) We've heard good things about her and are looking forward to a much better year!<br /><br />Chase has Mrs. Maughn whom Ethan also had in 4th grade. This woman is a total saint and I love her dearly. I know she'll adore Chase and he already loves her. Chase, like Ethan, has also been blessed with awesome teachers.<br /><br />Mckenzie has Mrs. Erickson. I don't know her, but so far Mckenzie loves her and Mckenzie is tough to please, so that's a good sign! Mckenzie has had good teachers as well, but she needs someone to challenge her to move out of her comfort zone. I hope Mrs. Erickson can do that for us.<br /><br />I also started school the same day the kidlets did. I'm so in love with all my professors! It's going to be a challenging but interesting semester. I'm really excited. I had a rocky summer and went from a 3.5 GPA to way under that but I'm determined to bring that back up to where it needs to be. My doctor, bless his heart, has been so helpful in trying to make me more comfortable and relieve a lot of my worries and stress. I've started to move past the nauseous stage but I'm still exhausted. Hopefully that will change.<br /><br />For now, things seem to be ok for us. It would be nice to have Doug home from Boston, but he needed to seize the opportunity he was given. It's good for his career so we're doing our best to support him. He comes back next week to visit the kids and they are very excited.<br /><br />My wedding plans with Eric have been put on hold, but he and I are still trying to forge some kind of relationship. My kids adore him and frankly, so do I. I think the stress of the situation and the impending responsibility of NINE children got to both of us. We're trying to see what the future holds for us. I have my desires, we'll just have to see what happens.<br /><br />In the meantime, I bought the cutest little denim jacket for my baby yesterday! I promised myself not to buy anything until we know what we're having, but I couldn't help myself. I figure if it's a girl, I'll sew on little flowers or something to make the jacket more feminine. But it was so cute and so tiny... it was just calling my name. Plus, my little redhead convinced me that we had to buy it. She also tried to talk me into buying more baby clothes, but I told her we needed to find out if we're having a boy or girl and she reluctantly agreed.<br /><br />I'm now 18 weeks, almost 19. We find out the sex of the baby on September 8th. We've had some complications but hopefully we solved most of it. I had to get an early Rhogam shot because my doctor is concerned my body might be trying to attack or reject the baby because I have A- blood and they baby may be positive. I've been bleeding, spotting and cramping a ton and since I received the shot yesterday I haven't bleed at all. Of course, it's only been like 24 hours, but I think it's a good sign. Right?<br /><br />My seizures and headaches have been another issue. Holy crap.... they've been an issue. I've been off my seizure meds until recently because I didn't want to add chemical stress to my developing baby.The withdrawals were super fun and I did ok for awhile. However, situations necessitated that I get back on the meds. The result has been ugly. But I think I'm adjusting again and the side effects are diminishing.<br /><br />Anyway... things seem to have started to even out. I'm breathing a BIG sigh of relief. I just hope things continue to run smoothly.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-56665872367088673922010-06-27T12:40:00.001-07:002010-06-27T12:55:10.014-07:00Band Aids, Eggs, and Empty BoxesAs a mother, I tend to over stock when it comes to items like band-aids, neosporin, and sun screen. However, I've noticed that when I actually NEED those items, at times when say Ethan runs over Carter with his bike and Carter's leg is covered in deep slashes filled with gravel, I can't find a single band aid. In fact, we had to get band aids from a neighbor.<br /><br />And of course, NO ONE is ever responsible for using the band aids unnecessarily. We run out magically. It could have nothing to do with the fact that a child in my home may get a scratch and need to use 15 to 20 band aids to cover the scratch, no matter how large or deep the scratch may be.<br /><br />I've hid the first aid kit, which is not always a good idea because if I'm not here and someone needs a bandage, how would they get one? So I've hidden a stash of first aid products and put band aids out for general use. Still, the stash is always found and used. Empty bandage boxes are left in the hiding place so I assume we have bandages because I see the box. This same tactic has been used in the treat cupboard. My kids will inform me we're out of treats and I'll be shocked because I just checked the treat cupboard and there were boxes there. I've learned to check boxes to see if they are empty.<br /><br />I've had long discussions with my children regarding these things. They know they have access to bandages in the kitchen cabinet and the bandages in the first aid stash are not to be played with because they are for emergencies. They all look at me with their precious little faces and nod understanding and make sweet promises to never touch the stash. I then move the stash to a new hiding place.<br /><br />Then, after my darling neighbor carries my screaming six year old home, with blood streaming down his leg, I quickly look for the stash so I can clean and bandage his wounds and lo and behold.... EMPTY BOXES!!! No wipies, no neosporin, no band aids. What is wrong here?<br /><br />I again lecture my kids, hoping that this new example of a bleeding leg and having to have kids run all over the neighborhood searching for bandages will have some kind of impact on them. We have yet to see if it applies to bandages.....<br /><br />However, I was trying to make some brownies and went into the fridge to get some eggs from the carton that was in there. What do you think I found? Eggs? No.... an empty egg carton. Where were the eggs? An unknown suspect, no one would fess up, decided it would be fun to break the eggs outside. Everyone saw the eggs being broken but no one actually saw the egg breaker. Interesting.<br /><br />I'm losing my mind and counting down the days until summer is over.....<br /><br />I do love my children. I said that, right?Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-27739241991751097132010-06-24T22:31:00.000-07:002010-06-24T22:37:36.808-07:00My NewsWell, as you've no doubt heard from my children, I am pregnant. I'm about 10 weeks along and Eric and I will be expecting the baby in late January.<br />Obviously, this wasn't planned. And obviously, it's not an ideal situation. But as my friend pointed out to me, what is so bad about a cute, pudgy baby?<br />Members of my family and some of my friends are no longer speaking to me and we don't have a lot of support. Eric's family isn't thrilled but they are being very sweet to me. And a few of my close friends are being supportive.<br />So, here we are. If you've heard the news and wondered if it was true, yes it is. My kids are somewhat confused, but excited. But I'm somewhat confused as well.<br />We'll see what happens.....Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-23398750921672638362010-06-07T21:17:00.001-07:002010-06-07T21:24:05.918-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TA3EhfPH35I/AAAAAAAAA1U/YGuZkNe91-w/s1600/Garretts+EEG.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TA3EhfPH35I/AAAAAAAAA1U/YGuZkNe91-w/s320/Garretts+EEG.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480252401179418514" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TA3Eac7o9nI/AAAAAAAAA1M/YkXG1l_tVfY/s1600/Garretts+EEG.2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/TA3Eac7o9nI/AAAAAAAAA1M/YkXG1l_tVfY/s320/Garretts+EEG.2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480252280301745778" border="0" /></a><br />Garrett had his EEG done at Primary Children's Medical Center last Friday. He was quite the trooper. As you can see from the pictures, he thought the whole thing was a barrel of laughs. He kept cracking jokes and he would not sit still! During the strobe light portion of the EEG, he was like, "Remember from Bugs Life.... Don't go towards the light! But it's so pretty!!!" We completely cracked up. He also begged his dad to take pictures and post them on Facebook. Crazy kid.<br /><br />The good news is that his neurologist did not see anything abnormal in her preliminary scan of the EEG. WHAT A RELIEF!!! She says we probably can chalk it up to the trauma he suffered at birth. He was breech and stuck in the birth canal. He was bruised up and it was touch and go couple days with him. Plus, he was a preemie. The neurologist also told us that she hopes it's just a one time thing and will never happen again. That's what I've been hoping all along. Garrett was under some stress, his teacher was not the calmest person in the world, so maybe this summer he'll relax and all will be well.<br /><br />Anyway, it's hard to keep the kid down! I had the kids move the trampoline away from the deck and our big tree because all the kids kept climbing the tree and jumping onto the tramp! Including Garrett who knew better!! Argh!!! So if you see him around and he's acting crazy, advise him to take a breather.... and remind him his mother will kick his little butt.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-15043176572400334652010-06-01T18:52:00.001-07:002010-06-01T19:07:53.756-07:00Garrett's Big ScareSo... last Thursday, my birthday, I was in the middle of getting a pedicure when I get a phone call from the kids' school. Garrett is having a seizure. I was in total shock and I kept repeating what Heather, the secretary was saying. I grabbed my shoes and ran to the car. Eric drove like a crazy person to get us to the school. When we got there, we were greeted by an ambulance, fire truck, two police cars, a horde of paramedics and all kinds of people from the school. I tried to run inside, but one of the EMT's grabbed me by the shoulders and tried to tell me what was going on. His biggest concern was that I was calm when I went in to see Garrett.<br />I tried my best, walked into his classroom and saw my baby laying on the floor hooked up to monitors. He was alert but lethargic. I knelt next to him and listened to what everyone was trying to tell me. Garrett's teacher told me that Garrett was unresponsive for 10 minutes and then once she thought she got his attention, he stood up and melted onto the floor. I'm still not clear on whether or not he was shaking, I've heard different versions. All Garrett remembers was his class getting really loud and he said he had a bad headache. And then he woke up with tons of people standing over him.<br />The paramedics said Garrett was stable enough for Eric and I to take him to the hospital. We took him to UVR and waited for tests to be run. His blood sugars and electrolytes were all normal. He had a CT scan that was abnormal so they did an MRI. It was inconclusive so we have to take him to a pediatric neurologist at Primary Children's Hospital. He'll have to have an EEG done and probably some tests on his heart.<br />By the time we got to the hospital, Garrett was alert and being his funny little self. He was cracking jokes with Eric and I and even the nurses and doctors. He was a total champ with all his tests. The only thing he really hated was having the IV tube in his arm. But other than that, he was amazing.<br />When Doug finally arrived, he had brought hamburgers with him and Garrett all but inhaled the food and wanted more. So we know his appetite is just fine!<br />He's a little irritated with me because his activities are restricted but he's being a good boy and trying to do what he's told. He seems to be doing so much better. He's complained of some headaches, but he hasn't had another episode. I'm hoping it was just a one time thing. He's kind of a dramatic child... well, he's a REALLY dramatic child so it's hard to know what's really going on with him when he says he has a headache. Is he trying to get out chores? Trying to get out of family activities? Trying to get his brothers into trouble? Or is he really suffering?<br />All we know is that what happened was real and we'll try to work it out the best we can. It scared his mother and sister to death. Poor Mckenzie was hysterical when she heard it was Garrett who needed the EMT's at the school. She loves her brother.<br />I'll try to keep everything updated. People keep asking and this is the best way to answer questions.<br />Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and phone calls and texts and posts on my Facebook. Garrett is such a special kid and everyone loves him. We definitely felt everyone's prayers!!Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-51917175639898762792010-05-25T20:23:00.000-07:002010-05-25T20:31:04.167-07:00Awards...I had two very excited boys come home today with awards from their teachers. Chase, of course, received the Best Kid award (obviously!) from his teacher and Garrett received the Most Improved (which I think is crap... it's his teacher that needed improving....but that's a rant for another day.) The awards are now proudly displayed on the fridge! They got to get up in front of everyone at Pack Meeting tonight and announce what award they received. I am a beaming mommy, let me tell you. I love it when my boys accomplish things!<br /><br />Ethan finally completed his Webelos! He received his badge today AND his Arrow of Light. We had to literally do some very last minute things so he could get his awards tonight, but he did it and I am so, so, so proud!! He's ready for 11-year-old scouts. (He's ready, I'm not)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_yVlbYUWsI/AAAAAAAAA08/-XzoIm6OMt8/s1600/Ethan.Webelos.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_yVlbYUWsI/AAAAAAAAA08/-XzoIm6OMt8/s320/Ethan.Webelos.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475415717213133506" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_yVrmaAlUI/AAAAAAAAA1E/T05bMazeNuw/s1600/Ethan.Webelos.2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_yVrmaAlUI/AAAAAAAAA1E/T05bMazeNuw/s320/Ethan.Webelos.2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475415823252231490" border="0" /></a><br /><br />We're counting down the last 3 days of school! We're so excited for summer. If the snow would stay away and the weather would warm up, we'd be even more excited! Mckenzie, Chase and Carter are gearing up for baseball. Garrett has a basketball camp coming up as well. Ethan has yet to choose his summer activity. He needs to hurry or Mommy will pick it for him.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-1162482531835692832010-05-17T15:59:00.000-07:002010-05-17T16:32:06.714-07:00Ethan is 11!!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLTXHD7OI/AAAAAAAAA00/UQwHl-4ZiRs/s1600/Ethans+Birthday.1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLTXHD7OI/AAAAAAAAA00/UQwHl-4ZiRs/s320/Ethans+Birthday.1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472378555713449186" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLLPD3uKI/AAAAAAAAA0s/QIhuy8n5P3s/s1600/Ethans+Birthday.4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLLPD3uKI/AAAAAAAAA0s/QIhuy8n5P3s/s320/Ethans+Birthday.4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472378416113629346" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLEbYPHnI/AAAAAAAAA0k/CLZwQIodKkY/s1600/Ethans+Birthday.3.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S_HLEbYPHnI/AAAAAAAAA0k/CLZwQIodKkY/s320/Ethans+Birthday.3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472378299161190002" border="0" /></a><br />11 years ago, I was trying to get someone's attention in Labor & Delivery at Logan Regional Hospital because I felt so much pressure in my nether regions and knew I was ready to push. But everyone was watching the Jazz game because they were in the finals. I could hear the nurses out at the nurse's station cheering as the Jazz scored a basket... I looked at Doug who was panic stricken but also somewhat absorbed in the game. I told him I was ready to push. He got a nurse who saw the baby had crowned. She grabbed the doctor who was covered in llama blood from delivering a baby llama moments before coming to the hospital. They told me to push, out came the head... they told me to push again... out came my beautiful baby boy! Ethan Douglas Montrose was born at around 9:00 pm on May 16th, 1999 after 13 hours of labor. He weighed 8 lbs 9 oz and was 21 inches long. And I cannot emphasize enough how beautiful he was. All purple and gooey, he was a gorgeous baby with big beautiful eyes and the sweetest spirit. He screamed until they put him in my arms. He settled down and was quite content from then on out. He was the best baby, a wonderful toddler and an awesome big brother.<br /><br />We were so worried about him when we had the triplets. I took him to see them when they were still in the hospital. I was so worried he wouldn't want to hold them or that he would be jealous, but he insisted on holding all three, ALL THE TIME. And anytime anyone would come over, he would assert himself by saying, "My babies. Those are MY babies."<br /><br />And when Carter was born, well, Ethan was just another parent to Carter. He was constantly holding Carter and kissing him, feeding him and loving him. Even now, I'll catch Ethan stroking Carter's hair while Carter is asleep.<br /><br />And now, Ethan is 11. He's as tall as I am. His feet are bigger... his hands are bigger.... and his heart is probably bigger too. His humor is just as sarcastic as mine and his temper is probably as quick as mine too. (we're both working on the temper thing...) You may not see it at first glance, but he has a huge reverence for his Savior and for the church. I admire that in him. He is bright and articulate, but shy and reserved. He observes people before he interacts. He doesn't really come alive in front of people unless he knows he can trust them. He's had a rough time lately, but things are getting so much better and his walls are slowly coming down. A good sign is that we went shopping for summer clothes and he did not buy one single black item of clothing. He bought a gray shirt and a navy blue shirt, but not one single black thing!!! He even bought a turquoise shirt!! And he had fun shopping with me! He talked so much and was animated and funny. It was a big step for both of us.<br /><br />For his birthday he wanted an air soft gun war. For those of you who know my boys, they are ALL BOY. Ethan is very into army stuff and this war thing was right up his alley. Doug rented some air soft guns and we took Ethan and his friends up Rock Canyon to have a mock war. Ethan's aunts and uncles joined us. The boys (and aunt and sister) split up into teams and tried to take each others bases. It was pretty funny. They played one game, then we had lunch and they went back up to play a couple more. Then we opened gifts and had cake. The boys had so much fun and are still talking about it today. I had dog tags made for each boy at Uncle Sam's in Orem and each boy had their face painted in real army camo paint. We were exhausted when we got home, but it was worth it.<br /><br />Ethan got a leopard gecko from Mommy and an air soft gun from his dad. The original gecko actually died and we had to have a small, intimate funeral for it in the back yard on Saturday. Petco wasn't going to replace the gecko without the body, but after hearing it was Ethan's birthday AND upon hearing of the funeral and seeing how sad Ethan was, they replaced the gecko and gave us a generous discount off some reptile accessories for the cage.<br /><br />Ethan also got a ton of presents from friends and family. Eric and I also took the kids to the zoo yesterday for Ethan's birthday as well, and Eric's son's birthday which is on the 18th. It's been a jam packed weekend!!! Good thing I get to recover for a couple months before Carter's birthday and the triplet's birthdays in July!<br /><br />Happy Birthday to my huge baby boy!Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-14817966567587543692010-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:002010-05-04T23:02:01.524-07:00Thoughts on JoyA friend of mine raised the question of whether or not there is a difference between happiness and joy. I readily told her there is. I've always believed that happiness is a temporal state, brought on by things, situations or events where joy is a state of being. I looked up both words in the dictionary and they had similar definitions, but pretty much reinforced my beliefs...<br /><br />Joy is the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.<br /><br />A happy person is <strong></strong>favored by luck or fortune or a person who is<span class="vi"></span><strong> </strong><strong></strong>notably fitting, effective, or well adapted.<br /><br />But I've been thinking more and more about the difference and how they apply to me. I have never really believed in coincidences. I think this question was brought to me for a purpose, as was the entire conversation we had the evening it was raised.<br /><br />In the scriptures we're told that men are that we might have joy. But we are also taught that we must experience pain to experience joy. Attaining joy is a process, a learning process, where happiness isn't really so much something we learn. I think it's something that is more accumulated.<br /><br />Happiness doesn't usually exist in times of grief or loss. It doesn't for me, anyway. When things or people are taken from me, I can't be happy. But I always have joy. Especially now that I'm a mother. I always find joy in my surroundings, my home, nature, and my family. And now I find exquisite joy in my children. All of these bring me more than happiness, it goes deeper than that. It's something that's rooted in my being. Even in my darkest moments, dimpled cheeks, bright blue eyes, sweet freckles, chubby little toes, sticky kisses, precious giggles, and warm snuggles soothe my soul and can always bring a content smile to my face. On the same token, a blue sky against snow capped mountains, sweet smelling rain, colorful blossoms, clear running streams, blankets of green grass, and red cliffs bring the same response. No matter where I am or what my circumstances, all these things offer more than happiness. They anchor the roots of joy.<br /><br />I've been struggling hard with my desire to be part of the church. I've experienced a lot of anger and resentment these last several months. I've realized that the majority of my anger is directed towards a very small handful of people. These people acted in the name of Christ in some private matters and claimed to have had the spirit of discernment, however that doesn't mean I should have allowed them to alter my relationship with my Savior. I've learned from my parents that no matter what has happened, I should rely on what I know and what I feel. Those people may have represented the Savior, but they don't now. And people are wrong all the time. And these people did what they thought was right. Hopefully they sleep well at night.<br /><br />I have struggled with the church for so long. Probably the majority of my life. The logical part of me has trouble with a lot of things. However, the spiritual side of me found such joy in the gospel. And I separate the church from the gospel, because yes, the church is full of imperfect people who can drain our happiness. But the gospel is perfect. No one can alter it or change it. It is full of joy. That is what I need to focus on.<br /><br />Another of my dear friends bore her testimony on Sunday. She told a story about the trek the youth took awhile ago. When they got to their camp site, it was full of grasshoppers. Laying tarps and things didn't help at all and the kids were really distracted by the bugs. It was not a conducive environment for a testimony meeting or anything of the kind where the spirit could be present. Soon, a little bit of rain started to fall, to the disappointment of the leaders. However, they soon discovered that the rain made the grasshoppers go away and they were able to have their meeting where the spirit was strong. The rain wasn't an ideal situation but it helped solve the bigger problem of the grasshoppers.<br /><br />I think I've had a lot of grasshoppers over the years. And I've needed a break this past few months to gain some perspective. The break was my rain storm that has kind of washed away the dust and bugs and even though the grasshoppers are still there, they are not as distracting. Somehow the spirit touched my precious children and encouraged them to go back to church. And in that environment we rediscovered the joy of the gospel.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-87870069935071399172010-04-28T15:50:00.001-07:002010-04-28T16:04:31.679-07:00First Semester Down... Whole Rest of My Life Coming Up!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9i8VqgErhI/AAAAAAAAA0c/1vqFH01pvQY/s1600/New+Shoes.Turquoise.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9i8VqgErhI/AAAAAAAAA0c/1vqFH01pvQY/s320/New+Shoes.Turquoise.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465325228186185234" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9i8Q-W3VJI/AAAAAAAAA0U/1UzlZxZNnTQ/s1600/New+Shoes.Brown.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9i8Q-W3VJI/AAAAAAAAA0U/1UzlZxZNnTQ/s320/New+Shoes.Brown.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465325147616924818" border="0" /></a><br />Today I took my last final. It went so smoothly and I feel very good about it. I also received my Sociology term paper grade. A perfect score! Yay for me! My first semester back at UVU ends on a very, very good note.<br /><br />So, Eric took me out to lunch to celebrate and of course, ended up buying me shoes. He knows his way to my heart. SHOES! They're cute!<br /><br />I feel like I just climbed a mountain and I'm looking over the valley and it's good. It's sooooo good. I did it! I'm doing it! The kids and I have our whole lives ahead of us and it'll be good.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-1751263958698494082010-04-26T21:08:00.000-07:002010-04-26T21:23:24.743-07:00Little Miss Sass<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9ZjVNF7NeI/AAAAAAAAA0M/6Y6RcUmInTk/s1600/DSC_0044+copy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 256px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9ZjVNF7NeI/AAAAAAAAA0M/6Y6RcUmInTk/s320/DSC_0044+copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5464664413803591138" border="0" /></a>Oh my goodness. Little Miss Sassy-pants and I have been having a bit of a power struggle lately. I'm not sure what to do with her. She is usually such a good little thing, does what she's told, and is pretty responsible with her things and her time. That hasn't really changed, but we're experiencing a lot of back talk. And I mean A LOT. I'll ask her to do something and she'll immediately say no. It doesn't matter what it is I'm asking, she says no. It could totally be something that benefits her, she just says no. Getting her to get dressed, brush her teeth, allow me to fix her hair, eat her meals, clean her room, do her homework, ANYTHING is a huge power struggle. She'll do it, but she will whine and complain and stomp around.<br /><br />The newest thing is completely bewildering to me. Every night I have the kids select an outfit for the following day. It has to meet my approval. We do this to prevent fighting and arguing the following morning. The kids feel they have control over what they are wearing because they are choosing their clothes and I have veto power if it's too scary. Well, Mckenzie does this every night, as per routine, but every morning she changes her outfit. It's usually something that is more appropriate to wear to bed (it has holes in it or it's too small.) I ask her to change it, she says no, I say yes, she stomps into her room and slams the door. It's been happening EVERY MORNING. Why? I ask her every night if she's happy with what she's selected for the next day. She says yes, and then the next morning there's a struggle. I don't argue with my children because I just don't. I'm the final word. However, that doesn't prevent them from throwing huge tantrums.<br /><br />She speaks to me as if we're on the same level. Like we're not mother and daughter, more like we're peers. It makes me crazy when she says "I'm going to my friend's house." Umm, no. That doesn't fly with me. Children need to ask permission. They don't inform parents of their plans. Especially when they are EIGHT YEARS OLD! What is that about???<br /><br />Then there's the bossiness. Ordering people around... I will say something to the kids and here's my little red-headed parrot at my side repeating the orders I've just given. I have to turn to her and remind her that whatever I've just assigned applies to her too.<br /><br />Tonight at the dinner table she got so mad at me because I had to remind her once again that I was the mom. She ate quietly for a few moments and then announced that she was going up to her room, packing her bags and calling her Nanna to come pick her up. She was moving to Nevada to live with her grandparents.<br /><br />How can something so bossy come in such a cute, small package?Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-23845604327044721732010-04-23T00:00:00.001-07:002010-04-23T00:14:17.351-07:00Moving Up<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9FFuJ3jkSI/AAAAAAAAAzs/rbGDRq2ueaQ/s1600/movinup.gif"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 254px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d_AlI4lFiGc/S9FFuJ3jkSI/AAAAAAAAAzs/rbGDRq2ueaQ/s320/movinup.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463224482202358050" border="0" /></a><br />I am pretty pleased with myself at the moment! I haven't taken all of my finals yet, but I have found out that I have an A in my psychology class which has made me exempt from taking that final. I also found out my score in my Student Success class has also made me exempt from taking that final. So, that leaves me with my Sociology and History finals. I do have to take those finals next week, however my Sociology professor sent me an email yesterday informing me that I received 102 points out of 100 on my last test because of my scores on my essays! I am so excited that I can't stand it.<br /><br />When I got pregnant with Ethan, I put my plans for school on hold. I tried to take classes on and off throughout the years, but being the mommy of so many little kids made it a little difficult to do that. So I had made the goal to try to return when Carter went into first grade. Well, Carter is in first grade and we all know the obstacles I've faced this year. I had decided to once again put my plans for school on hold. But last fall I went out to lunch with my grandmother who basically told me to buck up and just do it. So, I enrolled and did it.<br /><br />I didn't have high expectations for myself. I was always a good student in high school but hey, let's face it... my mind isn't exactly a sponge anymore. However, to handle the kind of stress I've been under and to be able to still pull off A's, I feel really good about what I've accomplished! Let's hope I can keep the momentum going this summer and through the fall! Yay school!<br /><br />BUT all this success in school means nothing if I fail as a mommy, so I'm taking a lot of credits this summer but most of my classes will be online. We ALL need to be moving up!Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2110954850250585578.post-7657727039762807092010-04-21T20:31:00.000-07:002010-04-21T20:54:25.734-07:00RainThere is something about rain that I love. I adore thunder storms. When I was little, I used to be afraid of them. I was really close to my grandpa when I was a little girl. We all lived on the same property, so I grew up right next door to him. I remember crawling into his lap and burying my face in his flannel shirt. He would hold me and just say, "I'm right here." Later, when I was older and would be in the mountains with him and it would thunder and rain, his blue eyes would twinkle and he'd say, "It's beautiful, isn't it?" So, I love the rain.<br /><br />The best thing about the rain is that everything is clean and colors are more vibrant. I was cleaning my kitchen today and looked out my window as I was doing dishes and noticed that my fence turned amazing shades of brown. The colors were so beautiful. And as I was driving around town today, blossoms were more pink, tulips were more red, daffodils were more yellow, grass was more green... everything was better.<br /><br />This probably sounds all silly, but at this point in my life I needed rain today. It was soothing and healing. I told my friend today that it's time for me to start facing the world a little more. I'm not going to let the mistakes I've made dictate who I am. I've done what I need to do to take care of them and now it's time for me to move forward and start to forgive myself. I can't control when others forgive me, but I can control when I start to forgive.<br /><br />I also can't control outside perceptions and gossip. I've known that all along, but to prevent it, I've been trying to fly under the radar. But frankly, I don't care. People would rather talk and speculate and accuse than ask real questions and I can't do anything about that. I feel good about where I am and where I'm headed. I have the support of people I love and that's all that matters. I've shut myself down quite a bit so it'll take some time to open back up (not that I was all that open to begin with...but hey, I can try!)<br /><br />My priority are my children. Doug and I screwed up but we can still try to function as a unit and we're definitely trying. There are bumps in the road because there are obviously still a lot of hurt feelings. It's a process. There will always be people who will criticize me for my mistakes and him for his, but in reality those mistakes have been made and neither of us can take them back. Both of us are taking steps to do what we can to make it right. And now we're trying to make sure our kids don't suffer any more consequences.<br /><br />I guess I just feel like the rain washed away the lingering fears and resentments and insecurities. I feel different tonight. I'm actually looking forward to my tomorrows.Arianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343713910874031946noreply@blogger.com5