Holes in My Brain

This post is to all of you who think I am ignoring/avoiding/hiding from you, etc. I'm really not trying to ignore anyone. I am ill. Very ill. It's official...I have holes in my brain!! We're not 100% sure what is wrong with me. I've had many tests done and have many more to go. We have ruled out MS and cancer. YAY! We were thrilled and relieved that we won't have to deal with that. However, my MRI apparently shows areas in my brain that have restricted blood flow. As many of you know, I have frequent migraines. I'm usually able to get rid of the headaches with caffeine and Ibuprofen but the migraines have become more frequent, meaning daily, and intense. A couple months ago I had one hit me at work. It came on very fast and I ended up in the ER... a place we have come to know very well and hate very much! The doctor there called it an A-typical migraine and gave me some fun drugs and sent me home. Then the fun stuff started to happen. I have a terrible memory.... just ask my kids! Well, all of a sudden, I was forgetting huge chunks of time. And then, I was having brief blackouts and eventually had a fainting spell where I was unconscious for several minutes. That has now happened twice. Then to make things more exciting, someone would be talking to me and I wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying.
So.... my neurologist thinks I'm either having mini-strokes or small seizures. Our family doctor and the ER doctors that we're growing to know and appreciate, are all leaning towards seizures due to the frequency and characteristics of my episodes. I am on anti-seizure medication which I have to gradually increase every four days until I am at my full dose. Every time I take an increased dose it makes me very sick. However, the headaches are getting fewer and farther apart and they've become more managable.
I have not shared this with many people. I HATE feeling weak and I don't like people feeling sorry for me. However, I decided to share it today because my husband is dealing with a lot. He's basically doing everything and it's beginning to wear on him a little. He needs support and relief.
I can't drive, I get worn out very quickly, I get sick a lot, etc. It's been rough on him. He rarely complains and he's been amazing.
That's my story for now. If I don't seem to be talking to you as much or have not returned phone calls or emails, it's not because I don't love you! It's just because I'm either afraid of sounding like an idiot or I just haven't had the energy.
I have faith we'll figure this out. We've had some amazing help from the bishop. We just now need the support of our friends. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me, though! I'm not dying! I'll be up and running again soon...kicking butts and taking names! I promise! I was even out weeding my flower beds this morning so I'm getting back on my feet.

My Baby

Ethan loves babies, always has. My sister was visiting last night and Ethan asked to hold the new baby. He sat with her for a long time, touching her hands, feet, nose, ears, and kissing her sweet chubby cheeks. He would talk to her in a quiet voice and rock her a little. He is the sweetest boy.

Let me say this about Ethan, from the day he was born, I always felt that he knew more than I did, that he was smarter than me. I still believe it to this day. There is something about him that is gentle, wise and strong, just like his dad. How many 9 year old boys would sit and hold their baby cousin like that? Even though he's so tall and growing by the minute, he's still my baby.

Peace in Motherhood

I have been having lots of struggles lately and have had to rely heavily on the testimonies of others to get me through some rough times. I've been struggling to find some peace or at least something to focus on other than my own stupidity.... I got the strongest impression during church today to find peace in motherhood. I looked over at my gorgeous kids, who were being remarkably good during sacrament meeting and I felt many anxieties melt away. My children have been amazing. I try to shelter them from as much ugliness as I can and I am continually amazed at how perceptive they can be. They are the best part of Doug and I. I am so fortunate to be their mother. They are funny, bright, imaginative, and talented in so many different ways. Ethan is my rock of a kid, he's the responsible one who tries to be the third parent. Garrett is funny and sweet and energetic, he keeps us entertained. Chase is quiet, hilarious and such a hard worker, he is an inspiring kid. Mckenzie is articulate and loving, she's like a little mother, she keeps us on our toes. Carter is cuddly, tender, and charming, he is our baby and we wouldn't be complete without him.

I also have to say something about my husband.... My friend said something about him once that hit me like a ton of bricks. She said that Doug does things for his family that even the best husbands don't do. He is an amazing man. He's a good provider, a good father, a tender friend, and, well... good at many other things!! When I went back to work several years ago, we agreed to let things be 50/50 where our children and where household things are concerned. He truly does do more than most husbands do. He cooks and cleans (he's a MUCH better cook than I am), he helps with grocery lists, laundry (sometimes...I'm anal about laundry), homework, baths, etc. We may not have a lot in the way of temporal things, but we have everything we need in each other. We've had our problems but we have an eternal marriage... so no matter what comes our way, it's worth it to stay and work it out and make it better. Doug is my centering influence. When my emotions and/or hormones are going in all different directions, he is the calm, sweet voice that soothes me and brings me back to earth.

So... this has taken a detour from my usual sarcasm and humor, but I felt I needed to say these things publicly. Let my friends and family know how fortunate I am to have the husband I have and the children we have. Having 5 babies in 4 years has made me a little crazy and has added extreme stress to our finances, our relationship, and other things. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all! (How cheezy am I?)

Catching Up

So.. it's been awhile since I've really updated our blog as to what we've been up to! We've been so busy so far this year... it's hard to believe it's MARCH!!

I'm posted a short picture video. In February, Ethan had the Blue and Gold Banquet. We made a Nevada cake. The theme for the banquet was patriotism or something like that. Ethan loves Nevada because that's where his grandparents live and we have tons of fun when we go down there. Garrett and Chase were introduced at the banquet this year because they will be turning 8 in July and will finally be scouts. I got to get up and say a few things about them.

Also in February, we attended the wedding of my cousin, Makai. The pictures didn't turn out so good because the lighting was dim but I got some cute pics of the kids in their new church clothes!

The last pics are of Mckenzie and her BFF, Jasmine. They call themselves heaven sisters. Cute, huh? Anyway, they got to have a late over/girls night where we did makeovers and watched girl movies. It was way fun!!

Perfect Pixie Piper

Pixie Piper
Mckenzie and Piper

I have a brand new neice! I am so excited. My sister gave birth to Piper Allsup on Thursday, March 5th. Piper weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and has lots of dark curly hair. This is my sister's second baby girl! Eve is the proud big sister. Eve calls her new sister her "Baby Popper." It's too cute!

I LOVE my neices and nephew. Who knew I would feel so attached to them?

No More SNOW

Desert or the beach? At this point, either will make me happy! I am so sick of waking up to gray mornings and freezing temps. I'm ready for sun and flips flops and lemonade. Does anyone know if the groundhog saw his shadow? I can't take anymore SNOW!!!

Another Student of the Week

Carter is our newest Student of the Week! He was so excited when he found out. He had to call his dad and our friend Kim as soon as we got home. He says he will keep his certificate forever. He's a smart kid and we're so proud of him. He got to have ice cream last night for his celebration.