My Boys

Carter

Chase

Dog pile

Garret getting some serious air

Doug and I were grocery shopping today (I still can't drive) and we were passing the meat department and I asked him if we needed any meat. He said no, he'd been stocking up on meat that had been on sale every time he'd gone grocery shopping. I realized then that I've been living in an alternate universe for the past few months. Usually, I'm the "stocker-upper." But my loving, if not over-protective husband, has donned most of the household responsibilities. He is slowly relinquishing some responsibility to me.... but I have spent the better part of the last few months in my room, with the blinds drawn, trying to get rid of or live through the latest headache or recover from the last seizure/stroke. I help the kids with homework in my room, I play games with the kids in my room, I read to the kids in my room, we do a lot of things lately in my room! I am so sick of my room!!!!

Today, my husband took a much needed break and went to a movie with my brother and brother-in-law, so I took advantage of "my time" and hung out with my kidlets. I burned some CD's for Ethan and Chase, played some games with Mckenzie and tried to be enthusiastic about the rolly poly bugs my kids have adopted as pets. (ick)

I was working up the energy to clean up dinner when I looked outside and noticed it wasn't raining anymore and Garret, Chase and Carter were jumping on the trampoline. I grabbed my camera and just started clicking. Before long we were all laughing like maniacs. Usually I'd be on the tramp with them, but I can't do that for now, so taking the pictures was almost as much fun. I got some good ones of them catching some good air. They are soooooooo cute.

Well, I'm off to have a popcorn pajama party with my babies. I haven't seen Bolt yet. I hope it's good!

EEG

Yesterday was my EEG. For now, it's the last of my tests. However, next week we have an appointment with another neurologist so I may have to do this all over again. Argh!

Anyway, here's a picture of all the wires going into my hair. Carter asked if they were checking to see if there was too much dust in my head or if my brain was still alive. Thank you, Doug for putting that idea into his head! But it does go along with my new mantra lately... if I can't laugh at it, I'm gonna cry!

Mckenzie's New Look

My super brave little girl decided to cut FOUR inches off her hair! She looks so cute!! Her hair is all shiny and now it seems redder. We had bangs cute which didn't turn out the way I wanted, but the hair cut is darling. My little pixie elf!!

Crazy Hair Day 2009

Today was crazy hair day at school! We always have fun with hair around here, so this morning was fun trying to come up with cool things to do. All the kids came up with their own styles. Ethan's is hilarious. I had no idea his hair was that long.

Holes in My Brain

This post is to all of you who think I am ignoring/avoiding/hiding from you, etc. I'm really not trying to ignore anyone. I am ill. Very ill. It's official...I have holes in my brain!! We're not 100% sure what is wrong with me. I've had many tests done and have many more to go. We have ruled out MS and cancer. YAY! We were thrilled and relieved that we won't have to deal with that. However, my MRI apparently shows areas in my brain that have restricted blood flow. As many of you know, I have frequent migraines. I'm usually able to get rid of the headaches with caffeine and Ibuprofen but the migraines have become more frequent, meaning daily, and intense. A couple months ago I had one hit me at work. It came on very fast and I ended up in the ER... a place we have come to know very well and hate very much! The doctor there called it an A-typical migraine and gave me some fun drugs and sent me home. Then the fun stuff started to happen. I have a terrible memory.... just ask my kids! Well, all of a sudden, I was forgetting huge chunks of time. And then, I was having brief blackouts and eventually had a fainting spell where I was unconscious for several minutes. That has now happened twice. Then to make things more exciting, someone would be talking to me and I wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying.
So.... my neurologist thinks I'm either having mini-strokes or small seizures. Our family doctor and the ER doctors that we're growing to know and appreciate, are all leaning towards seizures due to the frequency and characteristics of my episodes. I am on anti-seizure medication which I have to gradually increase every four days until I am at my full dose. Every time I take an increased dose it makes me very sick. However, the headaches are getting fewer and farther apart and they've become more managable.
I have not shared this with many people. I HATE feeling weak and I don't like people feeling sorry for me. However, I decided to share it today because my husband is dealing with a lot. He's basically doing everything and it's beginning to wear on him a little. He needs support and relief.
I can't drive, I get worn out very quickly, I get sick a lot, etc. It's been rough on him. He rarely complains and he's been amazing.
That's my story for now. If I don't seem to be talking to you as much or have not returned phone calls or emails, it's not because I don't love you! It's just because I'm either afraid of sounding like an idiot or I just haven't had the energy.
I have faith we'll figure this out. We've had some amazing help from the bishop. We just now need the support of our friends. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me, though! I'm not dying! I'll be up and running again soon...kicking butts and taking names! I promise! I was even out weeding my flower beds this morning so I'm getting back on my feet.

My Baby

Ethan loves babies, always has. My sister was visiting last night and Ethan asked to hold the new baby. He sat with her for a long time, touching her hands, feet, nose, ears, and kissing her sweet chubby cheeks. He would talk to her in a quiet voice and rock her a little. He is the sweetest boy.

Let me say this about Ethan, from the day he was born, I always felt that he knew more than I did, that he was smarter than me. I still believe it to this day. There is something about him that is gentle, wise and strong, just like his dad. How many 9 year old boys would sit and hold their baby cousin like that? Even though he's so tall and growing by the minute, he's still my baby.

Peace in Motherhood

I have been having lots of struggles lately and have had to rely heavily on the testimonies of others to get me through some rough times. I've been struggling to find some peace or at least something to focus on other than my own stupidity.... I got the strongest impression during church today to find peace in motherhood. I looked over at my gorgeous kids, who were being remarkably good during sacrament meeting and I felt many anxieties melt away. My children have been amazing. I try to shelter them from as much ugliness as I can and I am continually amazed at how perceptive they can be. They are the best part of Doug and I. I am so fortunate to be their mother. They are funny, bright, imaginative, and talented in so many different ways. Ethan is my rock of a kid, he's the responsible one who tries to be the third parent. Garrett is funny and sweet and energetic, he keeps us entertained. Chase is quiet, hilarious and such a hard worker, he is an inspiring kid. Mckenzie is articulate and loving, she's like a little mother, she keeps us on our toes. Carter is cuddly, tender, and charming, he is our baby and we wouldn't be complete without him.

I also have to say something about my husband.... My friend said something about him once that hit me like a ton of bricks. She said that Doug does things for his family that even the best husbands don't do. He is an amazing man. He's a good provider, a good father, a tender friend, and, well... good at many other things!! When I went back to work several years ago, we agreed to let things be 50/50 where our children and where household things are concerned. He truly does do more than most husbands do. He cooks and cleans (he's a MUCH better cook than I am), he helps with grocery lists, laundry (sometimes...I'm anal about laundry), homework, baths, etc. We may not have a lot in the way of temporal things, but we have everything we need in each other. We've had our problems but we have an eternal marriage... so no matter what comes our way, it's worth it to stay and work it out and make it better. Doug is my centering influence. When my emotions and/or hormones are going in all different directions, he is the calm, sweet voice that soothes me and brings me back to earth.

So... this has taken a detour from my usual sarcasm and humor, but I felt I needed to say these things publicly. Let my friends and family know how fortunate I am to have the husband I have and the children we have. Having 5 babies in 4 years has made me a little crazy and has added extreme stress to our finances, our relationship, and other things. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all! (How cheezy am I?)