Normally, I'm not always happy about being a woman. I have had so many female problems and I honestly can't remember what it feels like to just feel good, to just wake up and not have something cramping or hurting. But today as I was talking to the mother of one of my friends, I started to think about how absolutely wonderful it is to be a woman.
I am reminded of the scene in Steele Magnolias with Sally Field as she is mourning the loss of her daughter. She says "As a woman, I realize how lucky I am to be there as that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there as she drifted out. It was the most precious experience of my life." Now, frankly, I could never fathom the loss of one of my precious babies, however, I realize how perfect that statement is. How lucky I am as a woman to be able to experience the miracle of being a mother.
I'm facing the decision of permanent birth control. Not just for obvious reasons, but because my female issues are getting more and more out of control. It's a surprisingly difficult decision to make. The choice to give up the ability to create and carry a baby is not easy. I probably wouldn't be able to carry a baby to term if the opportunity ever presented itself down the road and if I ever chose to do so in the future. And the fact that I'm now in my 30s added to my female issues just adds to the negative results of trying to even conceive a healthy baby. However, I am missing those days of feeling that growth inside me. Knowing for the first time that I'm pregnant. Feeling the movement for the first time. Watching my stomach grow. Preparing for the baby, or in my case, babies.
And then my favorite part, pushing my baby out and having him placed in my arms. Seeing him for the first time but knowing him immediately. I missed that with the triplets, they were rushed away from me so quickly after their births. But I remember finally being able to hold them and knowing them... knowing they were mine. Watching Ethan bond with them... he always wanted to hold all three of them at the same time. And later, he and Mckenzie would hold Carter constantly.
I loved the first few days of having babies at home. The sleeping and feeding schedules when I could do nothing but hold them. I miss that too.
Of course, I've loved every stage of being a mother and I'm enjoying this stage. I love when the kids come home from school. When we can do homework together and talk about their classes and their day. I love being able to have adventure days or playing at the park in the dark. It's so fun to be able to hang out with them and hear their stories and listen to them interact with each other.
I am so grateful I was born with a heart that can embrace others, no matter what their situation. I find it so easy to love other children and nurture them as my own. Being a Sunday school teacher and a primary teacher were callings I loved so much. And I love having my house filled with children. I never resent having my kids' friends here. It's so easy to love them. I'm so thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me a heart like I have. I used to hate that it was so easily broken, but I've learned to appreciate it for what it is.
So today, I'm grateful for being a woman. I'm thankful for being a mother and a nurturer. It's the hardest thing in the world but it's also the best! I wouldn't trade it for anything.
