I'm having a struggle and I'm not sure how to handle it. Ever since Doug left for Boston, Carter has been having nightmares and has been coming to sleep in my bed every night. I tuck him into his own bed and he falls asleep in his own room, but he often wakes up crying, comes into my room and snuggles up next to me until he falls back to sleep. I've let him sleep with me because when I asked him why he was sleeping with me he said it was because he was afraid to wake up and find everyone had disappeared.
The big problem with this is that I can't sleep at all when he sleeps with me. He travels in his sleep and snores and takes up the entire bed. I've done some reading on the subject and everything I've read says to send him back to his bed when he comes into my room. However, I feel so guilty doing this, especially when he's crying. So, when he's crying, I let him lay down with me and I rub his back and let him calm down and then I send him back to bed. But I still feel so bad, like I'm doing something harmful. He's 7 years old and I know he's too big to be sleeping with me, but he's my baby and he's obviously hurting and afraid.
We're also dealing with some major fits. It doesn't seem to matter what I say to him, if it's contrary to what he wants to hear, he has a complete melt down. And this isn't just once a day, it happens several times a day. It happens over anything from telling him that he can't have a fruit snack for breakfast to telling him he has to wear socks with his shoes. He screams and runs to his room and slams his door. The fit only lasts a few seconds and then he'll do what he's told. I have tried everything from ignoring the fits to making threats. Nothing works. He's always had a stubborn personality, it's just gotten really difficult lately. He's such a precious little thing. I'm trying to be patient with what he's going through. I'm just not sure we're both going to make it to his 8th birthday....
Ya. But it still hurts.
1 year ago
4 comments:
I feel your pain with the tantrum thing. My first two totally responded to my diciplining but #3 responds to nothing.
The sleeping thing. When my kids come into my room because they are scared I feel bad too but I usually take them back to thier beds and then just lay by them for a few minutes. They usually go right back to sleep and then I can go back to my kid-free bed. Win-win for everyone! :)
wow. Sounds like my house about 10 months ago! It must be a bit of an age thing, since mine was 7 at the time. The good news is it does end!
Whoa! Been there, done both of these. I have had multiple children with the sleep issue. It takes some persistence and "cold-heartedness" but I would make my kids a place to sleep on the floor next to my bed. I would have some blankets layered on the floor and they would bring their pillow. When they would come in upset I would cuddle them for a bit and get them calmed down and then I would let them know that they had a choice. They could go back to their own bed or they could lie down on the floor next to my bed.
This could ascerbate the tantrum issue for a bit however. It sounds like the little guy is feeling out of control. Even as an adult I feel a little rebellious when it looks like I am losing control over the way my life is going due to circumstances I really have no control over anyway. At my age, I can reason this out with myself but he is just 7 and really probably doesn't even know why he is acting the way he is. Hence the obedience directly after the tantrum. Figure out some things that you can let him have control over. Such as fruit snacks are not breakfast but maybe as an after breakfast treat. If the issue is brushing his teeth before bed, for instance. Let him know that whether he brushes his teeth or not is not the option, but he can brush them now, or in 5 minutes, his choice. It's not really about the fruit snacks or the socks. He is feeling like he is not in control of his life and you have to admit, he's had his world rocked quite a bit for a kid his age in the past year. Hang in there, above all, showing him love, even after the fit is important. When he does obey, even after throwing a fit first, tell him thank you and that you know it was not what he wanted but that you are proud of him for eventually making the right choice. Hang in there! Love you!
Ariane,
I enjoy your blog. I don't know if you know, but I am in school now too. I am attending the University of Louisville. I should graduate in the Summer. I wish you well in your classes.
When the kids used to wake up in the night, I would let them lay by me for a few minutes if they had had a bad dream or were afraid, then they had to get a blanket and pillow and lay on the floor by my bed. That way we both got some sleep.
Mostly, if they just woke up or couldn't sleep, I told them to get their blanket and pillow and lay on the floor by me. I could reach over and pat their back for a few minutes if needed.
Good luck!
Your friend,
Lisa
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