Thanks

We went to church today. It wasn't something I was necessarily ready for, but the boys asked to go and how can I say no to that request? Mckenzie was not pleased at all, but we went. The triplets were greeted warmly by Brother Oler, their favorite teacher ever. I don't really know what the kids would have done without the Oler's this past year. Kjrsten was their den leader and Brett is their primary teacher and of course, Brayden is their friend at school. The Oler's have showered us with love even when it wasn't always returned. So for them, I am truly very grateful.

Sitting through church wasn't bad. The kids were good. The talks in Sacrament meeting were fabulous. And afterward, the kids were so excited to go to their classes. They'd been nervous up to that point, but they went without skipping a beat. It's a testament to how much they feel at home. We'd had some negative experiences before we stopped going. It was hard on the kids to go because people say stupid things thinking that they are being kind or thoughtful. All my kids really want is for people to treat them normally, like nothing has happened. If they wanted to talk about their dad not living with us then they would talk about it. Ethan especially gets his back up because he thinks that church is the last place he wants to talk about stuff like that. What makes people think that kids want to draw on those emotions at the drop of a hat anyway? And what's wrong with just saying hi?

The kids reported that they had a great day. They had good lessons in primary and they are happy with their teachers. And today there's been a different spirit in our home. I'd like to attribute it to the gorgeous weather, but I know it's because we went to church. The kids are getting along and they are happy. They seem content, like a puzzle piece was missing and it's been put back into place. I can't fix everything in their lives, but I can fix this.

However, after sacrament meeting, I came home and cried. I'm trying so hard to let go of all the hurt, but it's still really tender. The scarring isn't complete so that skin isn't tough yet. I have realized through this process who my friends really are and who they most definitely are not. So something good has come from all this. I also know that people in leadership positions are not always your friends, that they're "goodwill" usually just translates into empty gestures. That when they are really needed, they are not there.

But I'd rather focus on those who have been there.And those who I LOVE. Those who are my balm.

I have to list Eric and his mom first. Others may not understand our relationship or condemn us because of the timing of it. But it is what it is. He is a very sweet man who is not only sweet to me, but he is kind and patient with my children. On those days I couldn't get out of bed, he was the one who called and coaxed me out, telling me I could do it. And he still sends me a text every morning. And his mother is the coolest woman. My kids love her. And they've needed someone like her these past few months.

I haven't been great at communication, but Teri Fronk has been great for both of us. She seems to have a 6th sense for when I'm having a rough day because I'll get a text. What's really cool about the Fronk's is that my kids know that when they go over there, they are loved. That Earl and Teri are super interested in everything they are shown and told. I love that about them. The best talk I've had with anyone in a long time, I had with Earl. He didn't ask anything personal, we just talked. It was so nice to just be me and just talk.

Of course, the Scoube's have been great to my kids. My boys love to go over there and play. They are super patient and equally as interested in what everything my kids have to say. Of course, Jared has converted my boys to being Laker's fans and he has Carter thinking that Mt. Dew cures everything. I'm not about to let Carter find out.

My wonderful neighbors, who love me even though they have seen and heard a lot of stuff. Who knows where I'd be without John and Brenda? They don't have kids my kids' ages, but my troops still love going over there to play. How cool is that?

My Alisa and Eddie and Amelia and Gordon and now Luke. Alisa just knows. She brings me flowers and visits and I get to hold the baby, which really is a therapy. I really don't know what I'd do without her. She is such an inspiration to me. My tall, thin, beautiful little hero. And Amelia who every time she sees me at school, I get a HUGE hug. I LOVE that.

And lastly, my sweet Abby. I should be there for her more. She manages to pull me out of my funk and inspire me. And I adore her for that.

I don't list these people to make anyone else feel bad, but I want them to know specifically that I appreciate them and love them for everything they do for me and for my kids. The last 8 months have been hard, but we're making it work. No one is responsible for helping us come back to church. Like I said, I'm so not ready to be there. I could have listed about 100 places I would have rather been, so it wasn't like some huge spiritual awakening. It was as simple as my kids wanting to go. And these people I listed have helped make it easier for them to want to go.

Thanks.