Being a Mom

I've had a really rough week. Most of the time, I consider myself a pretty secure person. I know I'm not perfect, but I know that I'm a good mom and I have a good marriage. I'm extremely blessed but sometimes, when I least expect it, something in me breaks and I kinda fall apart. I was standing in my neighbor's living room today, I went over there to borrow a vacuum because mine broke (and I'm OCD about CLEAN) and I told her that my week was not so good and I almost burst into tears. This is not normal for me. I'm not really a crier, I'm a butt kicker. But if you had met me this week, you woulda thought I was a basket case.

As most of you know, I have to work. I don't mind working, I have a great, low stress job with extremely flexible hours, but it's always hard in the summer when the kids are out of school and someone else is watching them. Luckily my wonderful, nearly perfect sister-in-law has been watching my kids this summer but sometimes I get to feeling like I'm not doing enough or worse, I'm simply not enough for my kids. My sister-in-law jokes that when I'm home I never sit down, I'm always doing something, which is not always true, but I feel like if I sit down then I'm less of a mother. I should be making dinner, doing laundry, making beds, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, whatever. But then I remember the time when all five of my precious kids were sitting in a circle under the tree in our backyard, eating popsicles and talking and laughing with each other. I watched them through the window as I cleaned my kitchen floor. Was I a good mother then? Why didn't I go out and join them?

Now they're getting to the age where they don't need me as much and I feel like I wasted time. There's a song in the movie Mama Mia where Meryl Streep sings about time slipping thru her fingers and she says something like "We made so many plans, some things we did but some things we didn't and I don't remember why." Those things I didn't do with my kids, was it because I was doing something I thought was so important?

Tomorrow's another day where I can make it right. Right?