What do I start with?

There was a man who had the opportunity to visit both heaven and hell. His guide took him to visit hell first where he saw banquet tables filled with every delectable food you can imagine. The tables were beautifully set and the aromas were mouthwatering. However, as the man looked around, the inhabitants of hell were emaciated and frail. He noticed that although the inhabitants had the ability to pick up the food, their elbows did not bend so they could not put the food into their mouths to feed themselves.

The guide then told the man they would now be visiting heaven. But when they arrived in heaven and the man looked around, the scene that met him was quite similar to the one he left. The extravagant banquet tables were filled with delicious foods. In looking at the inhabitants of heaven, he noticed that they also could pick up the food but they could not bend their elbows to put the food into their mouths.

Perplexed, the man questioned his guide; "Is hell the same as heaven?"

The guide simply shook his head and directed the man's attention toward the inhabitants of heaven. They were happy and exuberant, healthy and well fed. The man didn't understand. The people could not feed themselves.

"How is this possible that they are so happy and not starving? Is it magic?"

The guide shook his head.

"Notice," said the guide, "they feed each other."

*******

This story was in one of my sociology books in reference to support groups. I have been thinking about it non-stop since I've read it. I had a former friend compare me to another friend who has recently found herself single through circumstances she couldn't control. The former friend asked me why this single friend found it so easy to cling to the gospel and why I was having such a struggle.

For awhile, I didn't have an answer to that question. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe my faith isn't that strong. But in really evaluating myself and my faith and my belief system, I have decided that it isn't true. Here are my thoughts....(some of them aren't pleasant, so bare with me)

My faith has not changed. My belief in God and my Savior is still as strong as it ever was. My spiritual intelligence has not dimmed. I heard my bishop once describe someone as having the light of God or the word of God written on their heart or some such nonsense because that person was strong during a crisis. I think if you have a relationship with God and the Savior, you have "the word of God written on your heart." No one can take that away from you and no one has taken that away from me. I know who I am and where I came from and ultimately where I'm going. My goal in life is to teach that to my children.

I am not weak. Through out my life, starting at a very young age, I have found the ability to dig very deep for the strength to not only survive a situation but to learn from it. When skin in wounded, especially deeply, it heals from within and leaves a scar that is made of tougher skin. I have a lot of that tougher skin. The key is to let the wounds heal.

Now, with those two things being said, I want to answer the question of why am I not displaying the kind of faith my single friend has? This is where my story comes into play.
This single friend is easier to feed. People want to feed her because her circumstances were not of her choosing. She is a beautiful woman with beautiful children and it is easy and pleasant to serve her. It's a little uncomfortable to speak with her sometimes because you don't always know what to say to someone in a situation of change, but people want to feed. They want to be seen feeding her. It's socially acceptable to feed her. She won't be after anyone's husband and her circumstances won't infect anyone else's home or family. In fact, serving her is looked upon as a strengthening tool for the family.

So, with so many people wanting to feed her, she feels comfortable being around those who want to feed her. It's not always easy for her because sometimes people want to shove things down her throat, but for the most part, she knows people want to help her and love her. They call and email and stop by. They stay in contact. She knows she's loved. And it's not just individual people, it's church organizations who also want to feed her. Who want to make sure she and her children are full and happy. They have all flocked to her to support and love her through this change in her life. When there is so much love and support, no matter how difficult the situation, it's easier to find strength when grappling with your faith.

Then there's me. There are a few of my close friends who have fed me and some who have inconsistently tried to feed my children. But for the most part, we have been feeding each other. I am single by choice. There are other circumstances attached to my issues so it's uncomfortable to feed me. It's not really socially acceptable. No one is going to want to be seen hanging out with me. Church organizations have basically left us for dead, so we depend on each other, a select few friends and we're beginning to rely on some family members. When I said in my last post that I didn't feel comfortable attending church, I should have said we. As in, my children and I don't feel comfortable attending. It's not just a random decision not to attend. So, it's a little more difficult to find my strength and faith when I lack in support.

Now, I realize this is not the Church of Bishop so-and-so or the Church of the offensive ward member, but Bishop so-and-so and offensive ward member do make it difficult to attend. I was always taught to attend church for comfort in times of trial but when you don't find comfort at church, what do you do? When you have to start over with your support system, what do you start with?